Today I will paint but first…..

Today I’m gonna paint but first I have to…..

Walk the dog. Make Tea. Eat Breakfast. Do some laundry. Make my bed. Take a shower. Clean the bathrooms. Run to the store. Go for a swim. Meet a friend for lunch. Start dinner. Clean the kitchen. Phone my Daughter and my Mom. Online shop. Watch the latest episode of my show. Paint my toenails. Make another Tea…..

“Free Bird” 48×36 inches Acrylic on Gallery Wrapped Canvas

On and on the procrastination techniques abound. It is so easy NOT to get to the easel that it’s a wonder I have ever completed a painting at all. The same holds true for Blog posts. It is so much easier not to write one and just think about it. Pretending I am a “Blogger”.

How consistent do I need to be to be a real Blogger? Or to be a real “Artist”? Is consistent output mandatory or can I flake off for weeks at a time and still keep my titles? You tell me. I don’t see any rules written down anywhere. If there are, I’d love to see them.

I just can’t seem to fit it all in. Sometimes I look up and days have passed by where I feel like I’ve accomplished NOTHING! Are we born with expectations of what we are supposed to get “done” right from the beginning? Do we have a preset number of days to do stuff in this life and it’s up to us to figure out what we need to do? I can remember when my oldest daughter, Lauren, turned six and we signed her up for Brownies in Canada. I received a call from a friend whose daughter was also going to be attending. She told me that they would not be able to run the program that year unless they found a leader. No one had come forward to lead the group. Would I consider doing it…or NO ONES KID WOULD BE ABLE TO GO. No pressure there. I agreed reluctantly (I had a toddler and a baby at home) because I really wanted my daughter to experience the program. I figured, surely they have a program all set out and I will receive a binder full of stuff and ideas and bins of tools and supplies. It’s Girl Guides of Canada after all and they’ve been around for decades…it’s a low risk decision. I WAS WRONG!

Not only was there nothing…I had to make everything up! Other that the badge guidelines. I was flying by the seat of my pants. THAT’S HOW LIFE HAS BEEN!

I came in to this life and NO ONE has told me what I was supposed to be doing. When and where I was supposed to be. What my purpose is. How to take care of myself. How to cook and clean and feed myself properly. Why I am here. Where I am supposed to go and when. Why I had to go to the boring schools I was subjected too. Why I had to work. Why we need money to live on this planet that I was born on. Why can’t I have 10 Shih Tzus?

When it comes to painting, how am I supposed to do it? I have taken so many classes and workshops and have played with paint for years now and I am still waiting for someone to explain to me how to do it exactly. That’s the whole point of everything on this planet! No one can tell you how to do anything! I have got it figured out! Life if a lesson in trial and error….lots and lots of error….AND….lots of farting around not doing much of anything waiting for ideas and inspirations to come in while you are performing the necessary functions of living a life here on Earth! It’s beautiful and its a slog and it’s painful and it’s joyful. It’s emotional and it’s frustrating and its rage inducing and sublime too. Each day is a new beginning and I am working on not beating myself up too bad at this stage of my life. I can be really hard on myself for NOT doing all the things I think I should be. I love those t shirts that say “NOPE. Not today.” I have soooo many days like that.

So you get my blog posts when they come to me and you will see new paintings when those are finally done too. In the meantime I will be drinking tea and walking the dog.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: