I’ll Never Be That Artist Again

I’m not the same person I was last night….or the day before… or the day before that. I won’t be the same person tomorrow. Things are moving quickly. I can see it every time I paint. I’ve completed two larger paintings since coming back to the Cayman Islands after a summer in Canada. A couple of fast and furious days of work flew by while I spilled my guts out in colour on the canvas. I was in the flow and didn’t even know what I had until I saw the finished pieces.

It feels so good to shift. Each day I wake up and realize that I’m not the same person or the same artist that I was the previous day. New ideas are coming in. I’ve even started dreaming about the movement of my left hand with the paintbrush in it….that’s a first for me. It reminds me of when I was a real estate agent. I was so into the job that I would dream about the deals I was making. I would obsess and worry about my clients. sometimes I couldn’t sleep. Years before that I was a hairstylist and I used to dream about cutting hair (I didn’t loose sleep over that however). Now it seems that as I throw myself more and more into my art I’m beginning to obsess about the process of making it. It’s so interesting. It’s telling me that I’m really into this thing now. I think I’ve turned a corner and the work is flowing from a deeper place than it did just a few weeks ago. It’s been a couple of years in the making. I’m not sure why it’s busting loose now but it is.

Somehow my desire to paint and to be an artist has shifted into a higher level and I can feel it. It’s scary and it’s exhilarating at the same time. I know that somehow I’m not the same any more. I don’t want to be who I was a year ago anyway. Even a few months ago I questioned everything but now I feel an inner strength coming into my awareness. My last few pieces have been pretty weird. They are jarring to look at but I feel that they are a reflection of “stuff” inside of me that needed to find an outlet. Like the work or not…understand it or not…it has more power behind the brush strokes and it felt amazing to do the work.

I can only hope and pray to the universe that I will not be the same me tomorrow that I am today and that I can continue to open myself up and shift to higher levels again and again.

Will the work get wilder or will it take a turn and become more refined? I don’t really care where it goes. It’s the process that I’m loving. The end product can take care of itself. As long as I’m having fun, and right now it’s a blast! I will ride this thing for as long as it remains that way!

“Things Got Weird”

Leave a Reply